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it's great when everything turns to shit

by Simon Aulman

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1.
dirty protest 45:00
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whether you think the album title refers to the music is up to you - I wouldn't blame you if you did - it is after all probably the safest pointlessest piece of droning uploaded to Bandcamp all year/century

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Obviously I enjoy the mileage I get out of being heartbroken at my lack of fame/money, and I enjoy the mileage I get out of being delighted at my lack of fame/money. It would be nice to be Eno and it would be a nightmare . But I am always comfortable about being unpopular. I bore on about my paintings and maybe sound like I'm brilliant and famous - my Instagram page, where a bit of my art-maaan can be found, has two followers. That's how famous my art is and how brilliant the world thinks it is. And my music is at the same level of total world-shrugging non-existence.

Oh I don't know, it's just that I have always been happiest when I've felt different from everyone else. Mostly it seems to come naturally - it's not affectation for me to pose with a real newspaper while everyone else in the train carriage looks at a screen. And of course I am often a total pretentious tosser and overdo the love of being an "outsider". So for me it is really disappointing that I have absolutely no original feelings or thoughts about the things they're all talking about on the news radio stations. Of course I wouldn't fight for my country - not that I'd be asked.

I'd probably want us to lose. The Tories have done such a brilliant demolition job on this country for the last one and a half decades that the place is only fit for the scrap-yard. Even if Labour were guaranteed five successive full terms of office that'd still not be enough time to repair the damage. And halfway through that time things might just be showing enough signs of tentative improvement for the electorate to feel it's time to cash in on the improvement and bring back the Tories for more tax cuts and let's fuck the young and middle aged and very old yet again.

For me, the worst thing in life is to be bored. I'm lucky in not needing huge noisy explosive yay-yay-yay-EXCITEMENT!!!! - boredom for me isn't reading books or making music or being unpopular, boredom is TV and loud booze parties and people having happy conversations at me about their holidays.

So it's great to no longer feel any ties or affection for Britain and to be an observer and watch the country fall apart - just a simple walk around a city is enough, to witness all the misery and micro-aggressions and bigger aggressions, the squalor, to want to see where it will all lead to. I don't look around a city and think I remember when this was all fields - but I do remember when we all didn't hate each other so much.

I'm not one of those old people who is glad that I am old and glad that there's little lifetime left. I wish I had another hundred years. Being in Britain is lots of bad things, but it never needs to be boring. It feels like Sin City - I am not one of the ripped young men kicking the shit out of another ripped young man, or one of the thonged fit young women milking them - I'm a total nobody alone in the derelict cinema that is the UK watching it all fall apart on a screen or in a newspaper - it's a great source of happiness to have one less thing that I care about. We can't make things better. Only a revolution could do that. And that could only possibly happen in this broken-spirited broken-hearted country if things keep on getting worse and worse until our complacency snaps - it's almost a reason to vote the Tories back in for another 5 years.

recorded today, photo about a week ago

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released March 6, 2024

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Simon Aulman Southampton, UK

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