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try to succeed to please (intensely repetitive series: 1)

by Simon Aulman

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1.
try to succeed to please 28:26
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2.
ultimately making my considered evolution 26:35
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about

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Keeping busy has been a big help, and so has decluttering. My "record collection" now consists of about 40 CD(R)s. That's it. That is the only physical manifestation of my love of music. Now that I'm trying to rebuild my life and make new friends and new lovers, the big worry is that people will want to see proof of my professed love of music. And there really is nothing.

I've never been much interested in the facts/stories around music, so it's not as though I can make up for lack of physical objects by talking knowledgeably about music. All I have are these 40 5-inch placky albums. Around 15 of them are (very loosely) "classical" - Tippett, Britten, Vaughan Williams, Copland, Bartok, Finzi, Debussy, Howells .... oh & I've forgotten that little boxed set of all of Dowland's works - so that's up from about 15 to about 27.

The remaining 25-ish albums are all ""rock" - about 6 by Joni - Travelogue, Don Juan, Wild Things, Mingus, Hejira ... about 4 by Prefab Sprout (Jordan plus several Best-Ofs), 2 by Wire (Pink Flag, 154), 2 by the Cocteau Twins (Victorialand, 4 Calendar Cafe), 2 by Richard Harris (Slides, Webb Sessions), 2 by Nick Drake (2nd & 3rd), and then odds/ends by e.g. John Martyn (Sapphire) & Roedelius (Selbstportrait 1) & David Sylvian (Beehive) ... These are the albums that a lifetime loving music have distilled. Nothing that is remotely "experimental" - there just isn't enough time left anymore. There is only one album that was made within the last quarter-century - White Denim's Fits. There is no evidence that I ever listened to much music. I have no evidence that I ever did fanzines. There is no evidence that I ever owned a tape.

There is no evidence that I ever bought or owned an LP or 7" single. There is no evidence that I ever bought a music mag/paper in my life. There is no evidence that I have ever been to a gig. There is no evidence of all the years (decades) that I spent blitzed out on whisky and cider and gin playing music over and over weeks at a time. There is no evidence that I ever really liked music at all. Can I be considered a music fan ? If not, then there is really no evidence that I ever even existed. Cos music was nearly everything. And now I've reduced it to nearly nothing. Even the stuff I make - nothing. And the closer it all gets to nothing, the more perfect too - it's all becoming so small and quiet and repetitive and like someone has clicked on fade-out and is waiting for it to happen.

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released July 6, 2015

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Simon Aulman Southampton, UK

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